“Your task is not to seek love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” – Rumi

I have become fairly adept over the years at depriving myself.  So adept, in fact, that I have had to unlearn this habit as I discovered the hard way that self-deprivation is a surefire recipe for self-pity, over-indulgence and finally, depression.  Depriving myself of joy, love, rest, food, laughter, silliness….not a fun way to live.  My struggle has been finding that sweet spot between “deprivation” and total, extreme, all-out gluttony & lack of any sort of off-switch.  (black & white thinking was my forte!)

These days, I accept that there is an ebb & flow to life.  I can live in that grey area.  I can also embrace the joy when it comes, rather than fear its potential brevity.  I can rest with sadness rather than numb the inevitable pain. I used to feel powerful and “strong” when I deprived myself of things….in reality I was weak and hollow, unable to embrace any sort of emotional intensity in my heart.

I love this passage from Gibran’s The Prophet:

“When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. – Khalil Gibran

One of my favorite philosophies with regards to this topic is very simple & to the point – It’s one I like to remind myself of often.  I will share it with you:

“Make it a treat!” – Sarah Silverman

There you have it! I love the simplicity and wisdom of M.I.A.T.  🙂   (thank you Sarah!!!)  I find it universally applicable. It totally works for me.  I never used to make anything a treat! It was either strictly off limits or recklessly over-consumed.

Dates in the city with my love are treats because we are both single parents on tight budgets with limited free time.  Long runs in the mountains are treats as I rarely have a free Saturday or Sunday due to my son’s sports schedule.  Long vacations are treats due to work constraints.  If I did any of these all the time, they wouldn’t be treats!

With my current goal of eating a clean green diet free of sugar and processed crap, where do the “treats” fit in?  With my running goal of getting fast and qualifying for Boston, is there even room for “treats”? HELL YES.  It’s just plain not going to work without treats!!  There will be an occasional sugar indulgence, a Sunday sleeping in, a workout missed.

This is my practice: Discovering what works for me, doing it, allowing for treats. 

Running / nutrition update:

  • Slooooowly easing back into a regular running routine.  It is SO much easier for me when I have a plan! Love my plan so far.  Did my first “speed workout” at the track.  One word: HUMBLED.  I have a long way to go. (Massive inspiration taken from this gal who nailed a 3 hour marathon at Chicago yesterday….Seriously cannot even run that pace for 800s…SUPERSTAR!)
  • Nutritionally, I am so pleased! I am continuing with Purium and amazed every day with how much it has improved my life.  A total game-changer.  Sugar doesn’t appeal to me at all anymore – which was my primary goal re: starting Purium – but the list of bonus benefits is getting longer….. in addition to these improvements, there are more: NO headaches! (I used to get migraines at least once per month), continually improved sleep (no more waking up 3-4 times per night), the rough patches of skin on my arms and legs are GONE and the big one:  I used to come home from work and say to Liam: “Honey I just need to lie down for 15 minutes” … Especially days when i woke up at 5AM to run. I seriously would almost be in tears from exhaustion.  NOT ANYMORE!!! No more naps, no more excessive yawning, no more feeling like I am going to die if I don’t lie down.   My son has sports commitments until 9:00 pm some nights – that used to just kill me.  NOT ANYMORE! The steady all-day energy is HUGE.
  • I used my power shake on a easy trail run the other day & discovered it is a perfect running fuel as well.  BONUS.
  • Next I need to register for one of the following race distances which I historically HATE because you have to “run fast” (eek!): 5k, 10k or 1/2 marathon.  Gulp.  Can’t deny that racing makes you faster. Suck it up, Buttercup.  
  • Going to start this daily core workout up again.  IT JUST PLAIN WORKS.  Every day, dammit.


pay attention. live fully. make it a treat!


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