worry

“When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable, we squander our precious time, and we turn our backs on our gifts, those unique contributions that only we can make. Perfect and bulletproof are seductive, but they don’t exist in the human experience.” – Brene Brown

I tend to worry like it’s my job.  I remember my childhood as a permanent state of hyper-vigilance.  I guess I grew up thinking it was just safer and smarter to be this way.  I felt protected by my cozy blanket of pessimism.  “Nothing can hurt me because I am already prepared for the very worst.”

I think a good chunk of this approach to life simply has to do with my make-up.  I struggle with depression and anxiety. I am a realist and a pragmatist at heart.  I bring a heavy dose of skepticism to the table.

Recently, I have started questioning this part of myself; wondering if maybe I am missing out by approaching all situations with a furrowed brow and a checklist of hard questions.

I am engaged to a man who happens to be one of the most optimistic people I have ever known.  I sit in awe sometimes at his laissez-faire attitude; his lack of worry.  (and yes sometimes it drives me batty!) I used to wonder if it meant I need to double-up and worry enough for the both of us.  Thankfully, I am learning that, no, he is a big boy and doesn’t need my extra freakouts…

I’ve long thought it slightly irresponsible to be overly sunny and optimistic.  I mean, shouldn’t one of us be the Head Worrier?  Better to firmly plant myself in the low expectation realm of things and be utterly stunned when things go well, right?

I’m starting to find holes in this theory.  Like, it’s not very fun.  It’s actually draining and tiring to be on high-alert all the time.  Who put me in charge anyway?? Who made me Queen Worrywart? NO ONE.

The kicker recently has been the realization that the people I admire, look up to, gain inspiration from, are those who are approaching the world with an open heart, an energized and optimistic attitude, and an expectation that LIFE IS GOOD.  Sounds corny right?  Well, I’ve decided I like corny.

SunflowerLittleBack_093825-751915

I’m truly inspired to be my best self when I see others moving outside of their comfort zones and doing the hard work.  I’m inspired by women who, despite personal obstacles, continue to present themselves to others as an abundant source of positive energy and light.  I say we need more of this, not less.

One of my personal goals right now is to begin breaking down my wall of constant worry and allow myself to believe that good things will happen.  It might actually be kinda fun.   ❤

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