exuberance

gusto. hustle. gumption. oomph, verve, zeal, fervor. These are the qualities I tend to chase.

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Ironically, they are also the elements of my personality that I tend to shun, ignore & discount. I know they’re in there. They’ve just been buried and need some dusting off.

I need to allow myself permission to let them come out to play.  After all, denying those parts of myself only makes me sad.

Fall is a season of change. Nostalgia. In Japanese, you say: “Ahhhh, natsukashii.”  Sweet, fond memories tinged with regret.

I’m kind of done with regret. Regret is the killer of exuberance.  How can you experience a joyful present with the wet blanket of regret (and its cousin, Fear) dampening your spirit?

I’ve written a lot here about my struggles with depression, eating disorders, anxiety, body image.  They are inextricably linked. The underlying force is one of sadness and fear.  As I have moved into health and self-awareness in the past 10-15 years, I’ve been experiencing a shedding of layer upon layer of those heavy wet blankets.

Honesty helps. So does doing the hard work, taking risks, admitting when I’ve gotten off track, sharing my story.

I’ve lost momentum these days, allowing life stresses to overwhelm me and stamp out my exuberance. Being true to myself and pursuing the life I want have taken a backseat to basic “maintenance”.  It’s easy to let this happen as a busy single parent.  I truly believe there is a sweet spot where I can simultaneously be my son’s biggest cheerleader & at the same time stay true to my goals.  I cheer best when my heart is full and nourished.

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After a week away from home for work, I am back and ready to hit the “refresh” button.  Back on track with eating well, nixing sugar, practicing ample deep breathing time.  Running goals are being formulated and I’m getting giddy to pen a race date on my calendar!

My sugar demon roared it’s ugly roar these past 2 weeks and guess what? Headaches, poor sleep, dry skin, moodiness, crappy runs. Some of us (ME!) need a good month of no-sugar, no junk, to really make it over the hump and kill the cravings.  I am SO ready for my Purium Athlete’s Cleanse, a crisp new running program & renewed energy. I miss my healthy self! {email me if you are interested in joining me on my journey – a few of my $50 off cards are still available! I love this stuff!}

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For me, it doesn’t matter the goal. Professional goals, new running plans, financial goals, home improvement projects, parenting skills, relationship challenges…or fighting an unhealthy habit that keeps me stuck. In order to get there, I need to be All In. I am never ever going to be “moderation girl” – that’s just not how I’m wired. (dammit!)

Time to grab that gusto, oomph, drive & hustle and fuel my exuberance.

Happiness is a risk. ❤

 baby steps

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