another round

“…grace can be the experience of a second wind, when even though what you want is clarity and resolution, what you get is stamina and poignancy and the strength to hang on.” -Anne Lamott

So my 100 days project ended last week with a resounding THUD.  With mixed emotions, I finished out the 100 days and felt no desire to write about it here.  The busy-ness, anxiety re: my running goals & my life as a single mama, and the general amplification of my ‘normal’ state of being completely overwhelmed set the stage for an anti-climatic end to my 100 days of mindful eating (no sugar, no garbage) and daily yoga.

Did I slip up during those 100 days?  Why yes I did. I indulged in the occasional sugary junky treat and post-race beer.  I let my strictness slide for a few special occasions and family functions.  The end of the 100 day experiment coincided with some pretty huge decisions regarding my running goals and commitments to my family.

I ran my third (and SLOWEST) White River 50 and enjoyed myself immensely.  As it turns out, not training hard, having no time goals, running without a fancy watch and smiling = a fun day on the trails.  Letting go of all expectations let me enjoy the views, snap photos, and do what I love the most:  move my body up and over mountains on my own two feet.

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Glenn Tachiyama makes us all look good at mile 37!

My son came home from his first overnight summer camp, a technology-free week up in the beautiful San Juan Islands which left him tanned, stinky, dirty and full of goofy stories.  My heart was 1/2 empty while he was gone and overflowed again while sitting and listening to his tales.  Will he always come to me with his stories?  Will there be a time when I am no longer the one he can’t wait to share stuff with?  Will he stop yelling from his room “hey mom! I wanna show you something!” or stop tapping me on the arm while I’m trying to wash dishes, “mom! mom! this is so funny…lemme tell this one thing…!” Of course.  That time is careening towards me faster than I care to admit.

My job right now is to soak it all up.  Remain still. Listen. Pay attention. Sounds simple enough, right? HA.

I have discovered that remaining still, listening and paying attention are like the 3 biggest challenges of my whole entire time on this planet. They are my practices.  They are also the gold & the prize. The keys to my joy.  I’ve spent a solid (and ridiculous) chunk of years using various substances and behaviors in order to avoid doing those 3 things.  Good news is that I have grown stronger in that time.  Does strength = perfection?  Nope.  I still screw up.  I take wrong turns and get lost. I just don’t wander alone in the woods for days like I used to.

LARS

& thankfully, this guy has my back too ❤

SO! what better way to wrap up one experiment than start right in on another? I’m in for another round.

100 days of practicing daily quiet (meditation). 100 days of daily writing (journaling and/or blogging).  Aaaaaand, because it felt so damn good when I did it right….100 days of NO SUGAR.  I could live on coffee and candy alone & let’s just say it’s not the best medicine for a life in which one is trying to remain still, listen & pay attention.  So here we go.  Day #1!

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let’s do this!!

(WR50, photo courtesy Ross Comer)

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2 thoughts on “another round

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