What day is it? & cheating

“….nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. if we run a hundred miles an hour to the other end of the continent in order to get away from the obstacle, we find the very same problem waiting for us when we arrive. it just keeps returning with new names, forms, manifestations until we learn whatever it has to teach us about where we are separating ourselves from reality, how we are pulling back instead of opening up, closing down instead of allowing ourselves to experience fully whatever we encounter, without hesitating or retreating into ourselves.” – Pema Chodron

It is day #37 of the 100 days.

Isn’t this supposed to get easier???? HA.

Coming off a very full weekend of this stuff: sunshine, baseball, dirty sweaty teenage boys, dusty trails, waterfalls, wildflowers, mountains, good food, good friends. Bliss, right? Please add inner turmoil, anxiety, fear, lack of sleep & exhaustion.  Sprinkle in complex relationships & a tendency to absorb others’ emotions.

That is a recipe for some hard talks and some backsliding.  It’s all learning. I am working on this: “allowing myself to fully experience whatever I encounter, without hesitating or retreating into myself.”  THIS IS WORK.

Cheat Tally:

3 cheats on my 100-day project this weekend……

  • 1/2 beer after a stressful day and my “mellow trail run” which turned into a 4 hour exercise in navigation….we will just say that I suck at maps.
  • no 15 minute yoga or core workout for 3 days
  • aaaaaaand….my first sugar cheat: 3 handfuls of Skittles (PURE. SUGAR!!!!!!!!) during 8+ hour drive home in holiday traffic with 2 goofy teenage boys who made me laugh so hard Skittle juice nearly came out my nose.

Bummer.

I’m not on this journey to be perfect.  And I’m clearly not on this journey to remain stagnant or stuck.  I’m here to learn & keep moving.

Pacific-Crest-Trail

 

 

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