Day 30! a month!

“So even if the hot loneliness is there, and for 1.6 seconds we sit with that restlessness when yesterday we couldn’t sit for even one, that’s the journey of the warrior.” – Pema Chodron

Wow, it’s been 30 days! I am reminded each day of how lucky I am to be able to make these positive choices for myself.  There was a season of my life when I was completely incapable of experiencing any sort of “present” long enough to contemplate what a ‘good choice’ for myself might even be.  Yay and 3 cheers for AWARENESS!

Yes, I still get restless and experience that hot loneliness.  The journey is filled with moments of pause & reflection & opportunities for real choice: to sit or to escape?  I am gratefully learning how to sit with unease much much longer & more gracefully than I used to.

I reread this commencement speech (a must read, or listen, if you haven’t) by the late David Foster Wallace and was reminded of the importance of getting out of my head. Looking up. Paying attention. Getting out of my own way.  THIS is an excellent challenge to myself….I think I’ll add it to my 100 days.

“If you’re automatically sure that you know what reality is, and you are operating on your default setting, then you, like me, probably won’t consider possibilities that aren’t annoying and miserable. But if you really learn how to pay attention, then you will know there are other options. It will actually be within your power to experience a crowded, hot, slow, consumer-hell type situation as not only meaningful, but sacred, on fire with the same force that made the stars: love, fellowship, the mystical oneness of all things deep down.” – DFW

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As far as the 100 day challenge goes, a few notes:

  • Per my revelation about nut butters, I’ve stopped buying them for now. NBD! It’s just that easy. Not attached that sh&t. I will invite it back at some point.
  • I read this FB status the other day from a runner which resonated with what I’ve been feeling a lot lately: Ran 8 miles in 1 hour 2 mins. I do not skip my kids’ events for my workouts. It is called keeping priorities balanced.”  This is so so important to me, and I ruminate on it a lot. I’ve decided that rather than think, I will just DO. DO WHAT I NEED TO DO, without impacting my son’s ability to do, be, and enjoy everything that he is doing in his day-to-day life.  Most often, I do this.  I run early while he sleeps. If I don’t run early, I run at lunch.  Sometimes, I slip up. I just don’t run, or, I end up running and then allowing that run dictate the day. BOTH NOT COOL. Soooo, one method I have wanted to use to ramp up the miles without impacting my son is run commuting. Now, I have ruminated the hell out of this possibility & just need to man up & DO IT. I just might love it. 🙂 
  • Energy-wise, I continue to revel in the lack of spazzy highs & devastating lows brought on by sugar and crap food. No sugar = even keel. Stillness. I like it.

balanced-life

“The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.” – DFW

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