It’s already Day 10! (or “mile 10” – one tenth of the way there! hmmm, might turn this into an 200-day thing…!)
Last evening I was personally challenged in a way that allowed me to experience and name another very VERY positive result of this little project of mine:
Sifting through feelings, identifying them, and speaking the truth (MY truth), from the heart, has been a goal of mine since I began the work of digging myself out of that deep hole I dug for myself many years ago. A hole which left me stuck and buried under the heavy load of depression, an eating disorder, unhealthy relationships and alcohol abuse.
I have come a long way in terms of my maturity & self-awareness around these issues, but it is most definitely going to be a lifelong balancing act, one that offers daily opportunities for reflection and change. I think anyone who has struggled similarly might agree that the “upside” to these types of difficulties is that they consistently provide fertile ground for growth. (this book by Pema Chodron is a wonderful tool, by the way!)
My 100-day project is simply another step in this journey.
SO! My little discovery last night was this: Honesty & clarity are easier for me without sugar! Sounds a little nutty and woo-woo but whatever! I’ll take it!!! My emotional dependence on sugar/junk/sweet treats gave me false boosts of pleasure. [an aside: I am all for taking pleasure in food and enjoying delicious meals…don’t get me wrong!…however, with this project I am hoping to distinguish for myself what *pleasure* really means….what kindness to my body really is…was I REALLY enjoying that handful of M&Ms I mindlessly devoured at my desk while working?? not likely.] Unsure if you would call this emotional clarity or simply ‘peace of mind’, but I am noting a distinct absence of these buggers: shame, guilt, fear, regret. These assholes try to run me down on a daily basis, so keeping them at bay with two relatively simple life changes is downright FABULOUS, I say!
The yoga! Again, I am sounding woo-woo here, but the nightly routine of taking 15-45 minutes to BREATHE….it’s transformative! 100000000% better than a glass of wine. 1 gazillion times better than a jar of Nutella and a spoon. Wine & Nutella have their place, but for now they are not invited to my party. 😉